习作评析（9）之二
elephants have a big nose and big ears and they are kind to humans. We can also see big and little monkeys running and dancing， just like happy children. Pandas， with good manners， are very friendly and polite to visitors. We will certainly have a good time there.
习作评析
习作题目
《学英语》报拟在某期头版介绍英国语言专家 W . J . Waston， 请你就下面的简历写一篇介绍性的短文（词数 100 左右）
姓名： W . J . Waston 性别：男
国籍：英国
出生年月： 1967 年 6 月
职业：英语教师
工作单位：第一中学
简历： 1989 年大学毕业， 1992 年携妻子来到中国。
主要事迹： 1. 热爱教育事业，工作认真负责，乐于帮助学生。
2. 教学方法多样，课堂生动有趣，深受学生欢迎。
3. 经常为中学生作如何学好英语的报告。
4. 任本报顾问，提出了许多良好的建议。
生词：毕业 graduate ；顾问 adviser ；建议 advice
学生原文
W . J . Waston was British ① . He was born in England in June， 1967. He was graduated from a university in 1989 ② ， and then came to China with his wife in 1992. Now he is working in No. 1 Middle School as an English teacher.
He loves teaching， and is strict with his work ③ . He is always ready to help his students. He had ④ a strange way of making his classes lively and interesting， so he is very liked by his students ⑤ . He often reports to middle school students on how to learn English well ⑥ .
Now he is an adviser to our paper， and he offered a lot of good advices ⑦ . Under ⑧ his help we are doing better in our work.
名师点评
本篇习作要点齐全，语言精练，层次分明，基本上完成了写作任务。但考生在动词的运用上应多下功夫，要重视英语的习惯用语。
① British 前加 a .
②去掉 was .
③ with 改为 in， be strict with sb 表示对人格； be strict in 表示对工作认真。
④ had 改为 has .
⑤本句是典型的汉式英语，最好改为 so he is popular with his students .
⑥用词不当， reports 应改为 gives lectures .
⑦ offered 前加 has .
⑧ Under 改为 With . with one's help 是固定搭配，意为“在……帮助下”。要注意英汉差别。
精品范文
W . J . Waston was a British， who was born in England in June， 1967. He graduated from a university in 1989， and then came to China with his wife in 1992. Now he is working in No. 1 Middle school as an English teacher.
He loves teaching and is strict in his work. He is always ready to help his students. He has a strange way of making his classes lively and interesting， so he is popular with his students. He often gives lectures to middle school students on how to learn English well.
Now he is an adviser to our paper， and he has offered a lot of good advise With his help， we are doing better in our work.
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